Kadin's Roleplay Progress

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Kadin's Roleplay Progress

Post by Amelia on Mon Nov 23, 2015 8:33 pm

Since Swizeo's being shut down pretty soon, I took the opportunity to go and hunt down one of my earliest posts on the site, which took me a while to track down since the thread it's in is over 100 pages. I decided to see how much I've improved since June 28th, 2013.

Original-

Razi danced in the crowd, a smile on her face as the music blared. Even after two years, she never got sick of this. The parties, the races, everything that made up the Underground. This was her home. Her salvation.

She knew a lot of the locals and got along with most of them. But she knew they thought her to be reckless.

Razi was a stereotypical Underground girl. She was wild, infamous for her many adventures. But they kept her anyway, since Razi was well liked.

Scanning the crowd, she searched for some of her friends. A lot of them seemed to be missing. Razi, cursing herself for missing an adventure, left the crowd, looking for a familiar face.



Revised-

As usual, Razi was in her element- dancing among the various teenagers and young adults that had arrived for one of the Underground's infamous parties. The music was blaring at a mind numbing volume, but a wide grin was on her face as she twisted and spun her body to the beat. Despite two years of being one of the Underground's permanent residents, she had never bored of the wild and energetic parties that the Underground was famous for. It was addicting; she could never stay away for long before it drew her back in again. It was paradise for someone like her- wild, reckless, adventurous... the stereotypical Underground girl, if such a stereotype existed. And not only was she accepted, she was befriended. Well liked. Popular, to some degree.

Unfortunately, her usual companions were noticeably absent from the party, which probably meant she had missed out on some sort of grand adventure. Mentally cursing, she quickly scanned the room for a familiar face, hoping that it wasn't too late to be a part of the action.

---

I think I've improved. Razz

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Amelia

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