That happened. (tw- swearing)

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That happened. (tw- swearing)

Post by Amelia on Tue Dec 08, 2015 6:51 pm

I'm obviously not in a super great place right now, but I'm going to do the best I can to describe what happened. Honestly, I don't know if I need to vent or be told that I'm not a manipulative asshole or something.

Basically, I got this random message from a stranger over Instagram that my best friend hated me and they never wanted to talk to me again and that I'm a shitty friend and w/e. Obviously showed the friend the screenshots and it went downhill from there.

Basically, they've hated me for months and think I'm annoying and shitty and awful and basically every adjective that's synonymous with garbage. They've been lying me to this whole time. They let me think I was one of their best friends when they actually thought I was a clingy and whiny shithead that they couldn't wait to get rid of. And they did this with the support of my two other friends. Because "they didn't think I'd take it well", yet failed to give me any information on what they thought I'd do.

They didn't even bother telling me this. They just let their asshole friend scream all this at me and claimed that there was nothing they could do to stop them. They didn't give a shit; they just sat there and kept saying that they told them not to harass me. Excuse me, "yell" at me, because my "best friend" said it wasn't harassment because I didn't explicitly fucking say that it was unwanted and irritating.

Of course, I'm absolutely fucking certain that my "best friend" gave the asshole the okay to scream shit at me.

Since my "best friend" pretty much told me that my two other friends also hated me, I asked one of them if it was okay to talk to them. That was a mistake. I got screamed at again.

I"m annoying.
I'm draining.
I victimize myself.
I'm whiny.
I'm self-centered.
I'm insensitive.

You know why they all jumped on me? Because I compared Muffet to Vriska. And my so called "best friend" is kin with Muffet and flipped their fucking shit over a joke.

My "friends" did this shit behind my back for months and they have the audacity to claim that I'm the one being an asshole, when I didn't say a single insult, a single curse, and just simply asked what brought it on? That they all agreed that I was worth nothing?

Get this- This is the longest conversation I've had with any of them in months. Because when I'm not "victimizing myself" or "being whiny", they flat out ignore me. And when I dare to complain about something, I'm suddenly being jumped on because all I do is bitch and whine about my life and sit on my ass and not do anything.

They've got an ultimatum. If my "friends" don't send me a message that they want to talk to me, it's over. And the list of people that are ditching me is quite high.

I've literally lost all my best friends because I made a fucking joke. And I don't know what to do.

I don't even get a chance to "make up for what I did", if I even did anything to deserve this. Because none of them are keen on telling me what I do that upsets them so damn much. They just sit there and say nothing and don't understand why I'm confused when they start throwing shit fits months later.

I don't even know what to do??? I know that I did stuff to piss them off, but how the hell was this justified? I've shown the screenshots to people and they're completely shocked by what they were screaming at me and I still think I deserve it?

Because honestly, I sort of feel that everything they screamed at me was right. That I am a shitty friend, person, whatever.

Am I mad? Upset? Scared? I don't know.

Maybe tired is a good word for it.

...

Yeah, I'm done.

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Re: That happened. (tw- swearing)

Post by feelingchimpy on Wed Dec 09, 2015 1:02 am

Hoo boy, okay.

From everything you've said, they don't sound like people to have around tbh. I mean I can't fathom that a joke caused all of this, the only logical thing I can think of is that this was building up over time or something and the joke set it off, if I'm understanding properly. I just woke up from a nap and I have a migraine so I'm having a little trouble following the timeline of events here, sorry if I'm out of whack. But jesus christ, if its as bad as it sounds, it might be a good thing in the long run not to have these people surrounding you. People shouldn't jump on people like that, that's not beneficial, its not going to help you resolve the issues they think are there. It sounds like they were just doing it to be grade A jerks and that's never okay imo. I don't really know what to suggest other than to cut them out, because you don't need nasty people hovering around you. It sucks when you find out somebody who you loved (platonic or otherwise) isn't who you thought they were and weren't being genuine with you, but it'd hurt less to eliminate them now that you know than it would to let them continue to pull BS in the future? You're the only one who can make that call, I really don't know. As far as the other bit, if you think they're right and these are issues you have, maybe try to work on solving them as best you can? Obviously easier said than done and I don't know what to suggest as far as specifics either but there has to be some resource out there somewhere that could help you take some steps? Just as long as you do it safely, obviously. I will say that, as somebody that a lot of people vent to very often, it does get exhausting and can sometimes make you feel like that's all they want you for, maybe that's how they felt, I can't really say, I just can't fathom people turning on somebody like that out of the blue without something having gone into it, but I don't know the nature of your friendship with them at all other than what you've said here. Maybe they were just being jerks for the sake of being jerks, sometimes I have a little too much faith in people despite having very little faith in people in general, who knows. I'm just rambling at this point. Again, sorry if this is discombobulated and makes no sense, I'm only half here right now, but I couldn't not say something. I hope you feel better in any case :c *hugs*

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Re: That happened. (tw- swearing)

Post by Hart on Wed Dec 09, 2015 5:59 am

.


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Re: That happened. (tw- swearing)

Post by Amelia on Wed Dec 09, 2015 7:14 am

Well, "best friend" basically told me to go fuck myself last night, so I guess that's that.

The thing that I don't understand is why they never tell me if I'm upsetting them at that time; they let it build up and suddenly fly into a fit of rage. This is the third time they've all done something like this, and yet they're sitting there and acting like I'm an asshole for not understanding? Okay.

At least it's not a huge deal; we all sort of stopped talking anyway. It still hurts, though.


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Re: That happened. (tw- swearing)

Post by Hart on Wed Dec 09, 2015 7:50 am

.


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Re: That happened. (tw- swearing)

Post by feelingchimpy on Wed Dec 09, 2015 1:33 pm

That's one of my hugest pet peeves, people not telling you when you've upset them, but getting upset when you continue doing or saying it. You can't read minds, so what can they expect? If they don't react outwardly and don't tell you, you can't know. Its their responsibility to step up and say "Hey, it upsets me when you do/talk about this, can we do/talk about something else?" Which seems like common sense and I'd love to say this is something people will grow out of over time but I have dealt with 70 year olds pulling this BS on me, its something that should be obvious but that some people just never seem to grasp the concept of. I hold those people at an arm's length, they get to be more drama than their friendship is worth after a point. Friendship isn't about secrecy and holding things in until you inevitably burst, I would be inclined to say that these people were never really your friends. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe they were at one time and something changed, but its no secret that I get pretty pessimistic when it comes to friendships/people in general. Either way its looking like with who/how they are now, its not in your best interest to have them around even if they do come crawling back later. People who expect you to know how you affect them emotionally without giving you any indication create drama so freaking fast, ain't nobody got time for that. I'm sorry you've gone through this, but I do think you're better off without these particular people.

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Re: That happened. (tw- swearing)

Post by Mocking on Fri Dec 11, 2015 1:55 pm

They sound like the shitty friends and imo you're better off without them. I mean, for most people being alone isn't appealing, but at least it's not so stressful/dramatic all the time. Just hang in there until you find some non-awful people (or at least better communicators).
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Re: That happened. (tw- swearing)

Post by OnlyEvan on Fri Dec 11, 2015 5:17 pm

To be friends, you don't have to agree on everything (me and Iz don't, and we're nearly brain twins), but its all about communication like Izaiah said. If you aren't telling people that something had upset you, you're not being a good friend because no matter how sensitive and kind a person you are, you're going to say something to upset someone at some point.

And honestly, if they're the sort of person who would do this all the time, its time to drop them and find some new people. I'm not going to say that they're irredeemable, but they went from bad choices to bad person when they didn't even have it in themselves to even try to deal with the situation. Sometimes the most uncomfortable/scary/anxiety inducing things are stuff like that, but its one of those things that you have to do yourself no matter how much it makes you feel like shit. I don't like telling people when they've upset me and sometimes it is a case of needing to hold your tongue, but with friends that shouldn't be the case, because you're sowing the seeds for further lies, secrets and miscommunication. Tough spots happen, but if you aren't getting something positive out of a relationship, its not one you should have.

(This is only one part of what I want to say but I have stuff to do so I'm gonna leave it here for now, not to mention I told you a bunch on tumblr)

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Re: That happened. (tw- swearing)

Post by Amelia on Thu Jan 14, 2016 8:06 pm

It's been a month so I should definitely revisit this, right?

I can't get over this. Like, at all. It's been a month and to say I'm bitter would be a severe understatement. I can't get over it and it's really annoying.

The thing is, I don't miss them much? Like, I I miss all the fun times and stuff, especially the ones I had with my ex best friend, but I don't want them back. I don't need friends who are going to make hate chats about me behind my back and send me anon hate on Tumblr after I land in the hospital.

Even on the subject of my ex best friend, it's barely even relevant anymore, I guess? To put it crudely, I found someone to replace them rather fast and we agree on 100% more things than me and my ex friend do. We've actually known each other since 2012, (two more years than I've known ex friend) and we're so similar, it's scary.

And I've found a new group of people as well, who all also agree with me on way more stuff. It's a slow group chat, but I feel 100% better around them.

So, why the hell am I still to hung over about this? Remaking my Instagram and Twitter helped a little, along with changing my URL on Tumblr, but I still can't get over it. I'd love to say it's because they've hurt me so badly, but it feels like a cliche and it's really nothing that I hadn't figured out for myself already. I mean, getting threatened isn't a great experience, but I shouldn't be so upset over someone doing something like this to me. Hell, the whole thing was falling apart before this even happened.

In all honesty, those guys are actually super shitty. My ex best friend claimed the Nordics and flipped their shit when the rest of us mentioned something about them. One of the others was talking about beating someone up because she liked the same guy that they did. My ex best friend had no qualms lying to my face for months while trash talking me to everyone that they knew.

I'm obviously still pretty fucked over on this- I'm second guessing my behavior a lot and it's been a rough road, but I'm getting better.

I guess I just want to forget about it.

Anyone know how to make me stop checking their social media profiles and getting irrationally pissed off?

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Re: That happened. (tw- swearing)

Post by Mocking on Fri Jan 15, 2016 7:45 pm

Losing your entire friend group would be pretty world-changing, so it's not too surprising that it still bugs you. I guess the only thing you can really do is just keep distracting yourself and moving along until it's not as bothersome? "Time heals all wounds" has some merit, I suppose.

But yeah. They still don't sound like great friends. Perfect for each other, maybe. No way to stop checking their social media except through sheer willpower, though.
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Re: That happened. (tw- swearing)

Post by feelingchimpy on Fri Jan 15, 2016 11:12 pm

I know exactly what you mean, I have a few ex friends that I can't seem to get over. I lost one of them a year and a few months ago, give or take, after they were nasty about me behind my back, I found out, then they were nasty to me when I tried to leave things to end on a positive note. But no, they wanted a fight. I'm not about that life. But even though I know our friendship had ran its course and we just weren't compatible as friends anymore, I'm still not completely over them. I have another friend that I can't get over to an extent. We were super close, hung out every weekend, and had all kindsof fun all the time. Never fought, never argued, none of that. But we just kindof drifted apart without any kindof falling out or anything, he just moved onto different things and didn't take me with him. Its been like, jesus, around eight years? I still miss the fun we had, I think I always will, but I don't miss him specially. It makes me feel a little bad tbh but I can't control how I feel. I guess when you know somewhere inside that the friendship had its run and it was time for it to end, it makes it easier to let go of the person, but you'll always hold the memories close. But anyways, this ramble had no purpose other than to basically say "I feel you, bro" to some extent, anyway.

Its hard to get over people who you were super close to, either way. Especially when you feel betrayed. But what's important is that you have new friends, better friends. That's the best case scenario, so I'm super happy for you! It might take you a long time to get over those ex friends, but it will happen, eventually. I just got over losing friends that I had in middle school these past couple years, so don't be alarmed if it takes longer than you might think. It'll happen, I think, when you truly let go of the resentment towards what they put you though. You have every right to be feeling it, trust me, but in enough time it'll die down and you won't even think about it anymore. Its just a matter of getting there and that takes time.

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